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Toilet paper quality going down the tube

'I thought we had this licked in the 1990s,' said a disgruntled wiper. 'When the two-ply sheets were misaligned all the way down the roll, that really used to make me pucker up with rage. Now it's happening all over again. It's worse than taking the piss, whatever that is.'

Independent tests by Whatever? Magazine have confirmed the worst fears: toilet paper quality standards have slipped back to levels not seen since 1970s Bulgaria.

A complaint from 1970s Bulgaria has been overturned because back then you could at least tell the joke about the Russians developing a supersonic jet with forward swept wings.

Oh? You want to hear the joke? Well it drags on for a bit about all these top aeronautics engineers designing different ways to stop the forward swept wings ripping off, but failing every time. Then this young Bulgarian engineer comes along and drills holes right down the line where the wings meet the fuselage. Amazingly, it works.

'How did you know this would be the solution?' asks the President. And the young engineer replies, 'Russian toilet paper. It never tears along the perforations.'

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