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Tom Hartley to be fast-tracked to cricketing failure

The England Cricket Board is thrilled with their win against India and about the brilliant performance of bowler Tom Hartley.

Work is now in hand to fast-track his career. As demonstrated by many before him, the usual trajectory is unexpected success, wild expectation, setbacks, teeth gnashing, mentoring, tabloid expose, time off, wild speculation, cautious return, limited success, family issues, mental health issues, inappropriate banter, tabloid fury, IPL contract, fantastic performances in India, dismal performances for England, disappointment, regret, grief, embarrassment, resignation.

English Cricket says that the process towards inevitable downfall is currently taking far too long and ties up too many resources. They feel it will be in everyone’s interests to speed up the whole process, and are working on a plan to do this.

A spokesman said, ‘England supporters prefer to have low expectations of the team, and to expect defeat. They find it unbearable if the team have a passably good player and there is even a small chance that the team will win, because the inevitable defeat will only hit them harder.’

Tom Hartley was unavailable for comment, but is believed to be in discussions with a team in the IPL.

Photo by michael weir on Unsplash

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