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Trump changes from amber to green

Former president and connoisseur of mittens, Donald J Trump, has at last changed colour from amber to green.

In a major bigly announcement on his preferred platform of communication, Grindr, the mango-hued fatfingerer had a go at doing clever words all by himself. 'Indicted' was a poke beyond his reach and came out to the world as 'indicated'.

Self-proclaimed experts in what the fumble-prone shower-of-gold fluffer actually means, initially suggested that he was demonstrating cultural knowledge beyond the United States. 'He is making reference to turn signals, which are orange flashers in the UK and called indicators,' confirmed a Fox News talking head without checking. 'He is suggesting a move to the right, which is what America needs to be great again.'

Yet instead of turning right, Trump turned green. 'Aha! It's not indicators in England, it's a traffic light sequence,' confirmed the same talking head. 'This means we can all finally proceed again, and it's time to stamp on the gas.'

In a move to demonstrate unshakeable political neutrality, Fox News has now rebranded itself as Frog News. Green is the new orange, and International Carrot Day will in future be known as International Parrot Day.

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