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Trump is Murdoch’s long lost son

DNA tests show an 80% similarity and 99% in common with an anaconda. Trump always knew that somewhere out there was his real father and it was only a matter of time until he found the right Sith Lord.

The 45th President of the United States (aka the fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse and the last of the Oompa Loompas) will now be raised by Mr. Murdoch as if he were his own benign tumour. Clutching a suckling Trump to his chest, Mr. Murdoch spoke of his joy at discovering a son who shared his common vision for Western Civilisation– of a dumpster filled with burning tires.

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