Trump to give everyone $5000 if they pay him $10,000 first

'Whadda bahgain,' his mob accountant exclaimed. 'Two‑fa‑one, kid. Ya're divahsifyin' ya votin' pohtfolio—half ya cash, all ya naïvetee. It's a reverse investmint strategy, ya know? You're provin' to everybody you ain't tied down by no conventional math.'

'Look, just think'a it like a tax on optimism, awright? And optimism—dat's a renewable resource, so really, you're goin' green. You're payin' for the exclusive privilege of bein' financially aerodynamic—less money, less drag. You're buyin' yaself a luxury lesson in trust issues, which lemme tell ya, is worth way more than the five grand you got back.'

And if you don't wanna participate?

'Nice lil' country ya got heah. Be a real shame if somethin' happened to it… ya catch my drift?'

Image: chandan_ai - Pixabay