Scientists in the reproductive physiology department at the San Diego Zoo have discovered, through the use of thermal imagining, a general predilection for ‘black and white back-door action’ in the panda fraternity. Cameras have regularly picked up a bright red sausage-shape, indicating an increased blood flow in the general vicinity of the panda poop-chute.
This new data has provided an insight into the lack of panda cubs and the shortage of bamboo-flavoured lube. In 2010, there were approximately 1600 pandas left in the wild – but nobody realised quite how ‘wild’ they really were. One zoo took six months to discover that all their rutting pandas were in fact male; even then, they were only alerted by the incessant dance music, discarded ‘poppers’ in the foliage and the fact that they had been having a whale of a time. Said one scientist: ‘Weening black eye off the brown eye may prove difficult, as they are crazy for the dance of the chocolate cha-cha and the rusty trombone.’
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