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UK on high-poppy alert

Armed police are expected to patrol our streets, opening fire on anyone not wearing a poppy or failing to whistle the theme tune from ‘The Dambusters’. A Police Inspector remarked: ‘We may be perpetuating a mawkishly sentimental view of war but don’t think for a second you can get away with recycling last year’s poppy – we’re wise to that dodge!

‘In these times of austerity, we need cheap, meaningless gestures. The important thing is to remember those who sacrificed their lives in war– rather than the reasons behind it or making sure it never happens again. If we can’t wear a poppy – then the terrorists have won. It’s a known fact that Afghan jihadists fear the poppy…although admittedly 80% of their income is based on the opium trade…um…er…I may not have thought this through…’

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