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UK's 'Freedom Day' decision passed to mixed Infants reception class

Updated: Jun 21, 2022

In what's being seen by many as a surprise move, last night Downing Street announced vacillating idiot and serial bridegroom, Boris Johnson, has passed the decision on whether Britain scraps all Covid 19 regulations on June 21st, to Bosher Street Mixed Infants Reception Class in Skegness.

A spokesman said: 'Let's face it, the kids are more likely to get this right than the PM. His record on handling the crisis has been woeful at every key stage so far. And what's more, if the sprogs screw it up… well then he's in the clear, isn't he?'

Insiders report having seen Chris Whitty, Patrick Vallance and Jonathan Van-Tam looking happier than they have done for months now, with one uncorroborated story claiming all three went out for a celebratory curry and few beers on hearing the news.

Class teacher, Miss Fiona Barnes (25) said: 'Gosh, we were certainly very surprised to be given such a weighty task to grapple with, but I think the children are equal to it. Many of them can count to ten already, while others have displayed an ounce or two of common sense. Yes, all in all, I'm sure we'll do the right thing for the nation.'

Mr Johnson was unavailable for comment, but one close source, speaking off the record said: 'He's much too busy to be bothered by Covid, as he needs every spare minute to get back in the saddle with his many dating sites. You know? Now the wedding's done and dusted and all that.'

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