Despite coming under heavy bombardment from Russian artillery, Ukraine's internet connections are still outpacing the UK's TalkTalk broadband service, according to an intercepted email.
The email, sent from homeworker Sergei Butrov, detailed how pleased he was with his seamless broadband despite his block of flats being targeted by a 500-pound bunker-buster bomb earlier this morning and the subsequent death of his family.
Butrov's claims have raised further questions about TalkTalk's unpreparedness should thermonuclear war interfere with UK-based broadband services, bearing in mind the number of people working from home.
"Is great," said Sergei in the brief communication. "I read from CNN about Ukraine flag on EU building and somehow delay in NATO troop reinforcement. It piss all over your TalkTalk."