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Undead condemn bag for life 'discrimination'

Vampires, zombies, mummies and other members of the undead community have condemned British supermarkets for selling 'bags for life'.

Count Magnus de la Gardie says he was shocked when he first saw the bags for sale in his local Tesco.

'Obviously, I welcomed the all night shopping opportunity as I am unable to shop during daylight hours, er, because of the difficult parking, but when I filled my trolley with factor 5000 sunblock, and went to the checkout I was confronted with a bag for life. Who are they for? Not me, clearly.

'I began to explain this to the young lady on the till but I became rather distracted by her sweet, sweet neck and that led to this prison cell which means that, in turn, I might have to give up my seat in the House of Lords.'

This reporter also spoke to a zombie who preferred to remain anonymous - mainly because he'd forgotten his own name. The zombie simply repeated the phrase 'Me want bag for dead.' Although he did enquire if I actually needed my brains.

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