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Unexploded baby discovered at wedding

Despite a clear warning on the invitation - 'no children' - extremist have chosen to unleash a full-throated baby on an innocent wedding ceremony, upsetting at least one tasteful flower arrangement. Emergency services responded to the noise of the child ‘going off, on one’, but were too late to prevent a tearful bride and a tense group photograph.

Brave members on the congregation had attempted earlier to disarm the distempered infant, with glove puppets and an obligatory session of ‘peek-a-boo’ – but all were soon covered with vomit shrapnel. Those caught in the blast of the ensuing tantrum, attest to hearing the child let out a scream of religious fervour – or it may have been a really big burp.

This was followed by a rumbling in the nappy region, suggesting this might be a dirty bomb. Said one spectator, covered in soot and blood: ‘What kind of monster brings a baby to a wedding?’

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