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Want a 12yr break from parenting? Then send your child to school.

Thanks to the nurturing powers of the school system, you can entrust a collection of sleep-deprived, demoralized teachers to raise your child at least as effectively as any pack of wolves, Jesuits or the sinister Aunts from a Roald Dahl story.

Letting teachers take all the flak for how obnoxious their child turns out to be, one mother commented: ‘Having done the hard bit of getting my son into the best local school, my work is finished. I fully intend to take a well-earned break. I’ll be dropping little Sebastian off at 8:45 A.M. and I’ll be back sometime next decade’.

Fortunately, the UK’s schooling system can provide round the clock supervision for your children while you slip into a decade-long stupor of alcoholism, and smugness. At a fraction of the fees you would pay a baby sitter, you can expect teachers to deal with all those niggardly problems such as teenage angst, teenage pregnancy and teenage running-off-to-Syria-to-become-a-terrorist.


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