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We can’t keep expecting a dead Nelson Mandela to solve our problems

Said one concerned Prime Minister said: 'Voters are starting to think of us as part of the solution not the problem. They look at you with these big doe-eyes full of hope – it’s horrible. Look, I’m available for children’s parties, Bar Mitzvahs - but not to make any positive impact.

'I’ve had absolutely no experience in caring for others. I’m in my early fifties, I can’t be expected to change career. There must be some sort of management training course I can go on? Some sort of motivational speaker about love, humility, self-sacrifice….no? Oh, f$ck-sticks!’


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