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Half of UK population ‘will die in the future’

At least half of the current UK population will die of something fatal at some point in the future, a stark new medical report has suggested.

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Tortured artist ‘didn’t produce any better art’, reveals torturer

A research study has concluded that contrary to the belief that great art is often born from intolerable mental suffering, deliberately torturing an artist can actually lead to a marked deterioration in the quality of their output.

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Mother’s horror as man sells iPad to buy kidney

iNcontinenceThe mother of a Chinese man has spoken of her horror after finding out that her son, identified only as ‘Big Zheng’, had arranged the sale of one of his iPads to fund the purchase of a kidney in a shady internet transaction.

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Mawkish floral tribute industry slams government’s plans to reduce violent crime

florists 'might struggle to survive' without senseless killingsThe Government has been forced to defend its new crime strategy after a barrage of criticism from the mawkish floral tribute industry.

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Palace recalls faulty batch of knighthoods

'What was one thinking?!'‘We would like to apologise for a series of administrative errors which resulted in already rich and famous people being rewarded for doing the job they had fantasised about since childhood.’

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