NewsBiscuit

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GCSEs to be replaced by Hunger Games

streaming at its best‘For too long, we have allowed young people to leave school without a basic grasp of mental arithmetic, grammar or machetes’.

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Rejected reality TV contestants discovered in sack in river Thames

 just being chosen for the sack meant the world to them‘They weren’t making any noise but there was movement so I knew there was something alive in there’.

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Britain’s oldest man still waiting for BT Infinity

if only he could remember his password...‘I initially thought that Infinity was a reference to bandwidth, but I now realise it’s an indication of the average waiting time.’

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Britain’s banks downgraded to ‘bastards’

'A loan!?! You want a loan?!?'Several other major financial institutions fear they could lose their cherished status of ‘immoral grabbing shitbags’.

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‘Guess Who? Religious Edition’ criticised for leaving out Muhammad

eternally damned if you do, eternally damned if you don't‘We have all of the main Gods, sons of Gods, and other religious characters, but we just couldn’t find an up-to-date picture of Muhammad’.

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