‘I don’t care what you call me – Allah, God, Yahweh, Vishnu, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever – It really doesn’t matter because I don’t exist’.
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The advert will premiere at London’s IMAX cinema, followed by a Q&A session with the director and a selection of uncomfortable-looking Hovis middle managers.
The advent of social media has given a voice to disgruntled guests, many of whom have been enforced residents in the hotel lobby for several decades.
‘His story is as English as the Battle of Hastings, or Clause 28,’ said one source.
‘We’d often wondered how to crack the elusive 17-25 male-pissed-out-of-head-and-needing-a-calorie-boost-after-some-late-night-action market segment.’