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Latest UK Government Mastercard statement shows drunken purchase of Cuba

The hunt was on today to reveal the name of the high ranking civil servant who has apparently used his or her Government Mastercard to buy Cuba. The purchase was made late on Tuesday night at the ‘Che’ bar and nightclub in downtown Havana and investigators are working on the theory that the Civil servant involved may have been lulled into the deal with several earlier rounds of ‘Cuba Libre’s. The statement shows that Cuba was actually really quite expensive after all.

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New research reveals Captain Oates actually left Scott’s Antarctic party for gay spa

couldn't wait to get away in the name of exploration.Captain Lawrence Oates’ position as the undisputed ideal of understated British self-sacrifice has come under threat, as historians have unearthed research suggesting that he in fact abandoned his dying companions in a blizzard-whipped tent for a pina colada in the local gay Antarctic spa, ‘The Cheeky Penguin’.

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Use of party balloons significantly improves second-hand car sales

After months of falling sales, Dave Pringle, a second-hand car salesman from Yiewsley has revealed that a moment of marketing inspiration has helped him put his business back on track.

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Athlete with two artificial legs ‘was actually a horse’

hoping to prove the nay-sayers wrongAn athlete has today been banned from competing in the Paralympic Games after medical experts became suspicious of his claim to have two artificial legs when photographic evidence showed he still had two legs of his own.

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‘Little Miss Muffet is a cheating crack whore’ claims spider

Muffet 'ponies-up for skunk'The spider involved in the Little Miss Muffet incident has spoken for the first time about what actually occurred between them. The nursery rhyme, which is well known around the world, apparently tells the story of an innocent girl who is frightened away by a spider. The reality is very different. ‘She is a lying cheating bitch,’ claims the spider, ‘she was one of my girls, if you know what I mean, and she owes me money.

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