The news written by you…

Unknown walk-on star of countless TV shows slips away unnoticed

will be discreetly buried somewhere way over thereTributes have been pouring in following the announcement of the death of professional extra Joe “Shady” Fingleton at the age of 70. A virtual unknown but rarely off the nation’s television screens during the 1970s and 1980s, Fingleton was described as the ‘consummate professional’ by television critic A.A. Gill. ‘He was the perfect background man. You never noticed him, but he was always there somehow. He won’t be sorely missed – which is, I think, a tribute he would have appreciated.’

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John Lewis penguin escapes forced marriage hell

never knowingly taken up the aisleA female penguin has hit out against retail giant John Lewis for what is being described as a ‘forced and highly illegal marriage’ between herself and ‘Monty’, co-star of the widely anticipated Christmas commercial released last week. The flightless bird, who hit headlines for her brief appearance in the advert, claims the whole setup was against her will, and that she intends to press charges against the well-known high street chain.

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Police vow crackdown on Jane Austen ‘coquette’ culture

Police appealing for a bit of common sense, and sensibilitySurrey police have embarked on an ambitious campaign to try to curb the rising phenomenon of anti-social incidents involving young women emulating behaviour they’ve picked up from the novels of Jane Austen.

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Shock as missing girl’s parents have shorter attention span than media

seemed more interested in the weatherThe parents of Lily Weaver, the nine-year-old girl who disappeared from an Epsom shopping centre last Saturday, appealed to the public for information about their daughter, but left journalists uneasy at the number of unrelated tangents they went off at during the 45-minute press conference.

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Hare Krishnas split due to ‘musical differences’

Internationally renowned folk mantra group The Hare Krishnas announced today that they are splitting up. The announcement was made by the group’s manager Ramai Swami during a hastily arranged press conference in New York, the group’s Western birth place.

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