A spokesman from the Met Office admitted today that the earlier warning to ‘stay indoors’, particularly on Friday, was simply a ruse to clear the roads for their staff.
The seasonally warm weather is giving those hosting teenagers from southern Europe welcome respite from incessant whinging.
‘Pedro and Sebastian are well mannered, lovely lads’ said Mrs Brown, 45, of Worthing. ‘However, we get pretty fed up with them constantly whining that they’re cold when it’s a positively balmy 19 degrees. They just do not get the concept of a good vest and cardigan.’
After countless ceasefires have been broken, UN peacebrokers are proposing a 30 second ceasefire, timed for 4am on a Tuesday, in the hope that this time all participants might be able to actually resist firing for the entire duration of the ceasefire, and it won’t be necessary to sigh and report about another ceasefire ‘broken’.
After many years of analysis, research and data collection, Ofsted has finally determined that the overall final achievement level of children in UK schools is entirely dependent on how clever they are.
Claims emerged today that the Prime Minister’s entire reshuffle strategy was based upon the Marvel Comics’ character Thor being recast as a woman.
‘This had nothing to do with gender balance or equity’, said a Westminster spokesman dressed as Spiderman.