The previously ubiquitous model/actress had been front page tabloid news for 287 consecutive days before her mysterious disappearance, beating Princess Diana’s long-standing record.
The Culture Secretary Maria Miller’s position is said to be ‘untenable’ today after the Prime Minister was forced to express full confidence in her actions.
There was outrage today as animal welfare groups reacted to clarification from the Palace that Princess Anne had meant that ‘one should simply talk these animals to death’, rather than use poison gas.
His Holiness Pope Francis was discovered in the early hours of this morning, rolling in the aisles of St Peter’s basilica. The alarm was raised after a nun, on a moonlit vigil, mistakenly heard what she thought to be a drunken vagrant, singing and laughing inside the locked church.
‘In a conciliatory move designed to delight shareholders and taxpayers alike, the Royal Mail is set to issue a limited edition set of stamps depicting a severed Cable.
The set will be sensitively priced, with the first-issue premium stamps being signed by random members of the sorting office staff, who were all allowed the full share allocation of £10,000.