Dom Joly, who made his fortune as a mobile phone giant by shouting into a giant mobile phone, is to be forbidden non-domiciled tax status, according to HMRC. Non Dom Dom Joly will either have to live in his native abroad or revert to his original Dom Joly status.
Avon & Somerset Police have confirmed that they are holding a Middle Eastern man on suspicion of being the patriarch of a vast family where incestuous sex is commonplace. The man, known only as ‘N’, was originally charged with keeping a zoo without a licence, holding animals in overcrowded conditions and illegally parking a boat in an area of outstanding natural beauty.
‘Low-cost flights to the Middle East are hurting our tourism economy,’ said a spokesman. ‘Jihadis are buying last-minute flights to Turkey to complete their training abroad.’
‘I can tell you this guy – oh yes, or woman – will really give the mainstream parties with their straight-laced candidates something to think about,’ Farage said. ‘This is the fruitcake to beat all fruitcakes, present company excepted.’
Chancellor George Osborne has agreed to invest the nation’s pension schemes on Nevada’s craps tables. By simply cashing out their savings now, those approaching retirement can boost the economy while experiencing the adrenaline of holding twelve in blackjack.