NewsBiscuit

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Voters urged to keep their receipts

Voters have been told they should keep their receipt when they visit the polling station for May’s General Election. ‘If they get home, look on the box and realise they have a Government they don’t actually want, they should be able to return it for a full refund or exchange within 28 days,’ Dr Sarah McBeach, a polling expert said. ‘But only if they can produce their receipt.’

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UK inflation rate ‘has gone missing’ says Office for National Statistics

The Office for National Statistics has announced that the UK rate of inflation has vanished. The rate, which had been getting smaller and smaller in recent months, finally disappeared completely earlier today, according to ONS Director Barnaby Green.

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David Cameron: ‘Unemployed young can muck out my stables’

The Conservative Party has promised to come down hard on young ne’er do wells, by compelling them to ‘polish Tory silverware’. Rather than being an Etonian euphemism, the aim is to put those without employment or training into meaningful community work; such as cleaning moats, feeding the pheasants and handing out lemon-grass scented hand towels.

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Ed Miliband to put Alan Sugar in all schools

In a bold policy commitment, the Labour leader has said he would ensure all school leavers have an exit interview with Lord Sugar under a new ‘Apprentice guarantee’.

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UK to lead the world in driverless government by 2016

A long-running trial involving Government not being driven by anyone has been so successful in Wales and the North of England that it will soon be rolled out across the rest of the UK.

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