Snapchat offline is nature healing itself

An unexpected outage with Amazon and Snapchat has been hailed as the happiest 24 hours since records began. In that time endangered species recovered, the ozone healed and The Beatles reformed.

Peace instantly broke in Gaza, and not that bull$hit Trump peace where everyone still gets shot, actual peace. Cancer was downgraded to a mild cough. And Quality Street went back to making the really large box of chocolates.

Children looked up from their phones and saw the sky for the first time. All was well with the world...until someone thought to download TikTok to fill the time.

Image credit: perchance.org

The grand old Duke of York

Oh, the grand old Duke of York,

He had ten thousand gaffs,

He stacked them up til they hit the news,

And he tried to shut them down

And when they were news, they were news,

And when they were gagged, they were gagged,

And when they are only halfway gagged,

They're a nightmare for the crown

Image credit: Titanic Belfast, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons. Text added.

Swiftify launches featuring only Taylor Swift songs

New music streaming app Swiftify has launched, dedicated entirely to the music of Taylor Swift. Users can listen to songs from a vast library of albums - albeit most of them feature the same songs just with different cover art - and explore music from the many genres which Taylor has toyed with over her multi decade career.

Swiftify Chief Exec Bradley Brady said, '90% of all music streams are of the top 1% of artistes, and 50% are of Taylor, probably. So we figured just cut out the rest. Like we say in showbiz, be nice to the little people on your way up - then dump 'em.'

The app also features an AI tool to generate abusive social media messages for 'Swifties' to send to 'haters'. At press time, it had already suffered its first crash, when someone registered under the username Big Machine Records.

Meanwhile, plans to launch another app dedicated entirely to the music of Harry Styles have been put on hold following an appeal under the Geneva Convention.

Image credit: perchance.org