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PR genius Boris Johnson has revealed that Margaret Thatcher was in fact a trailblazing eco-warrior - a fact even she was entirely unaware of.

Channelling the climate crisis unfolding a mere 25 years later, tree-hugging nature-enthusiast Margaret Thatcher began a Greta Thunberg-esque eco-campaign all the way back in the mid-eighties. Whilst some suggested she had cruelly devistated communities with her brutal decision to close coal mines, they were entirely unaware that she actually posessed incredible psychic powers. Against all the odds, she knew this 'eco-nonsense' would catch on in the future and relatively normal people would be into it, not just those eco-vegan weirdos that were around in the eighties.

Due to Boris' incarceration in the Bullingdon Club throughout the eighties, paired with his complete refusal to associate with the lower classes, he does not remember the fallout first hand.

Some have suggested Boris is 'completely out of touch' with the old mining communities and 'doesn't have any idea' what they went through. Boris vehemently disagrees, believing himself to be 'just like a real-life miner' due to his relentless ability to dig himself big holes and accumulate a lot of dirt on himself.

Cabbies across the UK have reacted with fury to Nigel Farage’s suggestion that the RNLI is like a taxi service, delivering shipwrecked asylum seekers to safety on British shores.

“He’s bang out of order this time,” said Keith, licence number 4425631 from Gravesend. “If I was on a taxi rank five miles off the coast of Kent, I’d put my foot on their heads and push them under. I wrote that in the comments section of the Daily Mail, and so did five hundred of my mates."

Clive, a black cab driver from Stockwell and area secretary for the EDL said: “Normally, I’m Nigel’s greatest fan and when he comes on GB News I sometimes cream my pants. But he’s got us all wrong. I wouldn’t get out of the driver’s seat to save one of them people - or even swerve to avoid them.

“Where did you want to get to, guv? I ain't going south of the Channel at this time of night.”

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