English Defence League fight crime – by fighting the police…and irony

At the merest hint that someone from 'not round ‘ere' might be vaguely up to no good (and in the absence of a mid-week Champion’s League fixture), the EDL sprang into action, by giving Nazi salutes to WW2 veterans.

'This is all part of a concerted effort to improve public services,' explained a hooded spokesman. 'We also propose to destroy local hospitals to lower waiting times, vandalize fire-engines to stop this criminal waste of water and attack off-duty servicemen before the filthy Islamists do it first!'

IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/users/openclipart-vectors-30363/

1 in 9 US bridges unsafe for Trolls

Infrastructure decay in the US, has left many Trolls living in dangerous conditions, with nowhere to hide from hobbits on a quest. 42% of all bridges are at least 50 years old – which is certainly true of Jeff & Beau - and 46,154 are deemed structurally unsafe to ambush a billy goat.

Traditionally Trolls would sit under a bridge demanding a toll from any who pass, but nowadays most like to bait people on Twitter. Said one Troll: ‘Bridge safety may not be interesting to you but to me its riveting – literally’.

Image: Pixabay/esudroff

Despite new rules Audi drivers promise to carry on ignoring the Highway Code

Chairman of the Audi Drivers Association, Mick Souter, has said that Audi drivers are fully aware of the new changes to the Highway Code.

'It's essential to bear in mind that there is nothing in the new rules, or indeed in the Highway Code itself, which applies to Audi drivers.'

'The people of the UK regard us as true heroes of the road. Indicating at junctions, giving way and the ability to identify a cyclist is all completely alien to us. Our members are going to continue driving everywhere at ninety miles an hour, parking at thirty-degree angles in supermarket car parks and knocking small children down like nine pins.'

Transport secretary Grant Shapps confirmed that none of the new rules or any rules for that matter applied to Audi drivers. He dismissed concerns that inconvenient tree-hugging cyclists were in any way at risk.

'The feedback I've received from cyclist groups is that they enjoy the frisson of excitement when an Audi wanker screams by within half an inch of their pedals. If we make Audi drivers comply with the new rules, Britain's roads would be very dull places indeed, and none of us would want to see that.'

Image: PIxabay/dgozgozz