Just like they did before with Scottish country estates and vicious little dogs, the Royals have set off another aristocratic fashion craze - catching COVID.
"Frankly, I'd always thought it was a bit of a pleb's ailment," said Lutetia Arling-Gobeaton, 37th Duchess of Hemel Hempstead. "All those dreary urbanites are falling like ninepins, you know. But now that Lizzie has shown the way, it's de rigueur to come down with - cough cough - I say, do you have a lateral flow test kit I could borrow?"
It's understood that the elite social calendar is being rapidly restructured to maximise infection opportunities, with several fox hunts now holding their meets in nursing homes. However, some are sounding a note of caution, as it's thought that the novelty appeal of the coronavirus could "quickly wear orf" should the Queen actually die from it.
- NewsBiscuit
- Feb 22, 2022
Tens of thousands of pilgrims were left disappointed today, by the pontiff’s inability to produce a Royal Baby. While the rest of the world is gripped by baby fever, the head of the Catholic Church has stubbornly refused ‘to take one for the team’. There is a growing sense that the Duchess of Cambridge has ‘raised the bar’ for world leaders but that the Pope considers himself too posh to push.
Crowds flooded to Rome, with mothers holding up babies as visual clues for Pope Francis or in some cases passing him bouquets of flowers in the hope of pollinating him. Many priests have been valiantly trying for to get Altar Boys pregnant for generations, but Pope Francis has so far avoided opening his papal womb to the public. ‘The Vatican has been ‘dining-out’ on this one miracle birth for two thousand years,’ criticized one reporter. ‘Whereas your Windsors, they’ve been popping out sprogs left, right and centre. Some of them even in wedlock!’
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