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San Francisco cops stopping self drive car disappointed they had no-one to beat up

Updated: Apr 24, 2022



When two San Francisco cops pulled up a car travelling without lights on at dusk, they expected to be handing out a citation and and a good hiding. 'The car was obviously pimped, so you know what that means,' said one of the cops. Unfortunately for the cops the car was a self driving specimen powered by General Motors autonomously. 'There was nobody in the car,' exclaimed the cop, who was then bemused when the car started its engine and relocated 300 feet further down the street.


The policemen have been assured that the vehicle wasn't breaking any rules, although GM held their hands up to say the failure to put the lights on was a human error, not a computer error. 'It's all ok,' said the other cop. 'We stuck a citation under the wiper blade anyway and fortunately noticed a black guy walking past the car, so we beat him up anyway. He'll be in jail for a few years now for resisting arrest,' he added.



UKIP insist Mos Eisley is a ‘wretched hive of scum, villainy…and immigrants’.



Commenting on the Star Wars franchise, a UKIP spokesperson claimed: ‘Tatooine farmers are becoming disposed by Polish-speaking Sandmen and Bulgarian Jawas. The deaths of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were caused by cheap EU droid imports, with malfunctioning motivators.’ While Lucas Films commented: ‘We don’t know who Mr. Farage is, but we do acknowledge he clearly lives in galaxy far, far away.’





‘Atari Games Dump’ the worst episode of Time Team ever


In what was supposed to be a glorious return to Channel 4, the 1990s archaeological programme has left viewers unimpressed by rummaging in the New Mexico desert in search of a hidden cache of video games. To appeal to a younger audience, TV Executives have chosen to abandon the predictability of finding a Bronze Age wall and embrace the hidden delights of rediscovering gaming monstrosities such as Shaquille O'Neal’s kung-fu epic - Shaq Fu. As one gamer complained: ‘This is not the lost Ark of the Covenant, dude. This $hit was buried for a reason’.


The Producer insisted: ‘Viewers like us digging up stuff nobody wants. We’re planning spin offs like ‘Plague pit’ and ‘Your Pet Cat’. We’re blurring the line between history and landfill’.




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