Scotland shocked to discover it has a cricket team

Scottish sports fans have been surprised to discover they have a cricket team and governing body and then not surprised to learn they are institutionally racist.

Sociologist Francesca Fraser said 'You have to remember that Scottish football is sold on bigotry and bitterness. Even today Celestial Sports might broadcast as many as 4 Old Firm games (and nothing else) per season and all the asociated 17th century sectarianism. Mix in cricket's dash of English Imperialism and this kind of institutional racism is depressingly on brand.'

'Anyway, it's all getting referred to the TV umpire so we can see the racism in slow motion on the big screen. Howzat?'

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Cut price proctologists slug it out in race to the bottom

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England fan admits the women's game is "the real thing"

After weeks of disappointedly saying "Oh, it's just birds" whenever he turned on the TV and saw the England women's team playing, football fan Dave Concrete has grudgingly admitted that the women's game might be the real thing after all.

This change of heart is thought to have come when he realised the England women's team were doing rather well, and were in fact more likely than their male counterparts to win a tournament anytime soon.

However, this newfound respect for the women's team doesn't seem to have translated into knowing anything about them, as Concrete remarked that he "really liked the blonde one with the ponytail... no not her, the other one... hang on, are we the ones in white?"

However, the female referees at the tournament have come in for criticism for their habit of giving out red cards and responding to player protests by turning away, arms folded, and saying "Well if you don't know what you did, I'm certainly not gonna tell you."

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