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Falkland Islands liberate Britain from evil tyranny



The mighty Falklands of the South Atlantic has freed little Britain from a brutal dictatorship.


In a decisive action, the Falklands sent its entire fleet thousands of miles north to British waters. A 200 mile exclusion zone was declared around the islands, while the Falklands conducted strategic operations to repel the oppressive Conservative regime.


A journalist stationed aboard one of the naval vessels reported, 'I am not allowed to say how many took part in the liberation of Britain, but I counted them both out, and I counted them both back.'


And a Falklands tabloid paper has this morning run a full front page headline simply stating, "Gotcha".


Heroic leader of the Falklands, Alison Blake declared, 'It was simply not right to stand by and do nothing while Britain fell to such a despicable tyranny. Our only regret is that we didn't step in earlier. Desire the Right! The glorious sheep of the Falklands flag flies proud over the British Isles today.'



image from pixabay

Dating apps may become linked to driverless cars



When driverless vehicles become a genuine possibility the expectation is that they will communicate with each other, so if for example a BMW in the outside lane of a motorway imagines that a Range Rover will allow it to cut across its path at the last second it can reach the slip road, the conversation between the vehicles of “Don’t even try it, Sonny”, will have occurred miles before the slip road.


It’s hoped this will lead to fewer accidents, but dating apps have cottoned on that driverless vehicle technology can assist with the pursuit of romance.


“When you think about it” said Deirdre Milf, a dating consultant, “lonely people travel up and down the country, unaware that their ideal partner might be in the car next to them. It seems logical to find a way we can use our date matching data to best advantage. There’s precious little chance of a lonely heart in Swansea taking up our match of an ideal partner in Sunderland, but little would the two know how close they were to each other when they neared the dogging sites in Dudley. Our proposed app will give the couple the opportunity to accept or decline the liaison of a lifetime in real time.”


Deirdre went on to explain that as part of their proposed service, in addition to the two vehicles being directed by the app to the same dogging area, it would be possible to set liason preferences such as:


  • Sites with wash facilities and condom machines

  • Dogging sites selling alcohol and fags to recover with

  • Reserved parking places (premium charge)

  • Floristry machines

  • Jewellery machines


Deirdre added she was very excited about the email from Head Office she saw arrive as we were talking, entitled “2 in 1 special offer” and if it means what she hopes it does, she’d definitely be up for it.



image from pixabay

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