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After much technical consternation, scientists have managed to crack Apple’s elaborate security with a simple ‘three-fingered re-boot’. A DOJ spokeswoman said: ‘We’d explored every option; including switching it on and off and rubbing the battery. But much to everyone’s surprise, the cryptography was easily bypassed by picking lint out of the keypad and giving the phone a good shake.’


The iPhone now joins a long list of things we wrongly thought were hard to get into - including the Presidential race, negative equity and Russell Brand’s knickers. ‘It was less like cracking the enigma code and more like typing IDDQD into ‘Doom’.’


The Office for National Statistics reported that the UK economy narrowly avoided recession in October and November of 2022 due to the injection of hundreds of millions of pounds from an unnamed source of private capital.


The money went into the video production industry as well as the targeted advertising sector, and it formed an unusually large movement of international funds at the end of the year.


This boost occurred in what was otherwise a period of financial caution, caused by the turmoil of the Truss premiership.


Rishi Sunak was unavailable for comment, although he did release a glossy video.




In a landmark European Court decision, sporting giant Adidas has not only won protective status for their three stripe logo, but has also established copy right protection of the letters in the company name.


As a result of this ruling, strict new letter usage laws will be enforced from the end of this sentence.


No one wntng to ue thee letter n document n pper wll nee to negotte "rght to ue" greement with th compny. Extng book n publcton wll become ubject to lcence pyment.


There re concern tht Mzon, Krft n Mcrooft wll lunch mlr collectve cton, mkng the Wetern Lphbet unusble except n text mege.


Protet t th rulng re hmpere by no one beng ble to re ther forml wrtten objecton.



photo: https://pixabay.com/users/publicdomainpictures-14/

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