Australian Visitors to UK Urged to Attend Re-Orientation Classes Before Going in Water

Winner: McDabble

Runners-Up: "Amputees pin hopes on Britain's first offshore leg farm." (Sydalg); "As the reservoir water recedes, ancient artefacts are revealed; some now four feet out of the water." (PAUL).

Afghan pilot has to go to Rwanda 'because of pixelation'

The government has stated that although it appreciates the level of bravery of an Afghan pilot who served alongside British forces in his home country, he can't stay here because 'he came across in a small boat and is exhibiting serious pixelation. We've had a lot of pixelated foreigners lately and frankly, who wants to live next door to a faceless pixel-covered person?' asked a government minister.

The government agrees that Rwanda has a shortage of pixelated people, and in particular ones with brown pixels. 'We would happily open our arms to people bearing white pixels,' said the government spokesman, 'unless they come from the EU. And can't drive a HGV, or whatever "emergency skill" we're short of today'.

Pilot Fighter Jet - Free photo on Pixabay

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Small boats entering faster than big boats exiting Dover

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