A 74 year old man was arrested and taken into custody after Metropolitan officers spotted him carrying a large bladed weapon while attending King Charles coronation. Video footage of the man showed him in close proximity to Queen Camilla moments before he was whisked behind a screen and strip searched by bishops.
A Metropolitan Police spokesman said the force was simply enacting new laws recently passed by Parliament which gives them the power to apprehend and detain potential troublemakers. ‘There were several deaths involving bladed weapons in London over the weekend’. said the Met’s Cheryl Brown ‘and yet this brazen idiot somehow thought it was sensible to be seen live on TV in front of millions of impressionable young children carrying this large lethal weapon.
'Thankfully the bishops stepped in to avert what could have been a serious incident. They disrobed the man….gave him a physical examination using some special anointing lube….although it seems that had been prearranged and had nothing to do with the bladed weapon.
'But it saved us from having to do it'.
The man was last seen being taken away in a large gilded carriage surrounded by security forces and shouted at by people thronging the streets.
The Prime Minister is to embark on an ambitious programme of repealing every bit of legislation that might protect the British worker. Starting with the Human Rights and European Communities Acts, Mrs May proposes to bring back child labour and fornication with beasts of the field.
Turning the clock back to indentured servitude, Mrs May will use the Queen's Speech to return the UK to a golden age of feudalism. A Number 10 official explained: 'We've been mollycoddled by EU bureaucrats with their 48-hour weeks and straight bananas. Quite frankly, there's nothing more heart-warming than the sight of a small child ensnared on a Spinning Jenny'.
Dark satanic mills are expected to pop up on every street corner, while the minimum working age will be lowered to the third trimester. Said one MP: 'My ancestors didn't come all the way over from Normandy to be governed by Europeans.’
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