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A man with a van says he got more than he bargained for when doing a recent Billericay house clearance. Dave Collins claims he was magically transported to a fantasy land where he lived as King for two decades.


We caught up with Dave and his business partner Steve.


'There was this big wardrobe in a bedroom. So I opens the door, like, and next thing I'm standing in a snowy wood along with some little geezer a bit like a horse who tells me his world's going down the shitter and needs my help,' Mr Collins says.


He insists twenty years then passed during which he joined forces with a godlike talking lion named Alan to fight an evil Ice Queen, ending up leading an army of magical creatures in a fierce battle against her forces of evil.


'We offed the Ice Queen, I was crowned King, married this well-fit princess bird and was living happily ever after until one day I wandered into a room in my palace and the wardrobe was there. I touched the door and was suddenly back in Billericay.


'Steve says I'm talking bollocks because he'd only just shot down the chippy for five minutes to get us a couple of pies for lunch. So how could all that time have passed? But it's true. Honest.'


Sipping a coffee Steve comments: 'I know Dave swears this really did happen, but as I told him at the time. Maybe lay off the wacky backy when we're at work, mate?'


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Republican voters love 'law' and 'order' and therefore Donald Trump's polling goes up when he is charged with yet another crime that he is obviously guilty of. This makes Trump’s most likely path to the White House a crime spree encompassing all 50 states.


One Trump advisor said ‘Good wholesome American crime, like suppressing black voters, or shooting black teenagers in the back or hiring hookers and paying for their silence or being urinated on by those hookers and then paying for their silence. Or election fraud.’


Less electorally important states will get less exciting crimes, but no-one appears sure what Trump might do in big swing states like Pennsylvania or a huge state like California.


The advisor winked and said ‘I’m not saying it involves a live donkey, but I'm not not saying that either.’


'White House or the jail house, baby!'

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