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Conservative Party deputy chairman Lee Anderson has condemned asylum seekers for leaving the barge used to house them in Dorset saying he had caught worse diseases than legionella while holidaying in Skegness.

The migrants were evacuated on Friday afternoon after just a few hours on board the vessel when health officials found traces of the deadly disease in the water supply.


However, the controversial MP was not impressed.


Anderson insisted that if you used hotels or B&B in the Skegness area when he was a kid it meant you were almost certain to come away with some life threatening disease or debilitating respiratory condition.


‘Sure we got sick…but we just got on with it’ said the MP for Ashfield in Nottinghamshire ‘our parents would give us 50p for the day and we would go off and have fish and chips, a ride on the donkey, a candy floss, toffee apples, a ride on the helter-skelter, buy a bucket and spade and still have money left over for the penny arcade. We didn’t moan about infectious diseases or deadly bacteria ruining our holiday.


If all you suffered from was dry coughs, confusion, diarrhoea and a week in hospital then you’d had a good holiday’.


Anderson also said the asylum seekers should be grateful the condition was only a namby-pamby French sounding disease found in water supplies and not one of the really hard bastard killer diseases we have thriving everywhere here in England.


‘If they don’t want to catch legionella here in England then they should ‘f**k off back to France….it clearly sounds French so they probably brought it with them anyway’.






Dave Bloke, long-standing albeit unofficial football pundit of the Crown and Anchor in Bexleyheath, has announced that he reckons he'd probably do OK in the England women’s football team, 'to help them get through the semis, know what I mean?'.


“Not saying I’d get in the real team,” he added. “Mind you, there was a time I was considered quite a prospect, before I put me back out. Did I ever tell you I ‘ad a trial for Luton Town?


”But the birds’ team? Yeah, I’d do all right there, show ‘em a thing or two. Plus I’d be on hand to explain the offside rule. I’d actually respect ‘em more for asking.”


Asked how he could possibly get into the women’s team, he replied “I’ll just say I’m one o’ them trannies. Self-assessment these days innit, or whatever it’s called.


“Reckon they’d work it out in the showers afterwards though, eh? Eh? Know what I mean? Eh? Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more…”


When she implausibly heard about this conversation, Lionesses’s manager Sarine Wiegman said she’d consider Mr Bloke for the role of team mascot, but only after the current goat dies.




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