A poet has been forced to deny accusations of profiteering after he increased his prices by 1,000% in the run up to Valentine’s Day.
'I admit that I’ve slightly increased my fee for a romantic greeting card message,' said Romford-based bard Simon Smith.
'However, I provide bespoke, one-of-a-kind ballads for people. All I need is a few basic details about someone’s soulmate: age, eye colour, favourite flower etc. Admittedly, none of the blokes who use my service can actually provide this information but that’s besides the point.'
“You may not know it but practically no one is a poet,” Mr Smith continued.
'And what people don’t realise is that a single misplaced comma or missing full stop can result in a divorce. Or, even worse, a marriage proposal.'
'That’s why poetry needs to be left to professional wordsmiths like me. I’ve got numerous degrees, countless qualifications and, most importantly, I know the only word that rhymes with orange. And it’s definitely not ‘borange.’
'Anyway, if people can’t afford a ballad for Valentine’s, they can still pick-up my limericks and haikus at the usual rate. In fact, you can actually get 10% off my eulogies just now.'
This isn’t Mr Smith first brush with controversy. Last year, his 24-hour emergency poetry repair service was criticised after charging a pensioner £600 to replace a rhyming couplet.
Humpenscrump
Photo by Leonardo Baldissara on Unsplash
