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A Hollywood studio plans to make a complete blockbuster film in less that a day, harking back to the days when film studios could turn out three or four films a week.


The new film will be part of the Fast and Furious franchise – probably number 17, but that’s not been decided yet.


An insider told us that the film could be made quickly by using left over footage from other films in the franchise and generic footage of car crashes. The whole thing would be held together with voiceovers and by filming a few linking scenes. Movie goers who like their film sequels to be reassuringly similar are expected to lap it up.


Industry experts say that, regardless of the quality of the end product, the film can be expected to take up to $800m at the box office. An Oscar nomination for the franchise is considered long overdue and this might be the film to win it.


Photo by Behrooz on Unsplash


The Sussexes have been told that they must relinquish their HRH titles, their season tickets to Crawley Town FC and any duty-frees from the last two years.  They can no longer partake of swan meat, panda cutlets or nibble on the ear of Nicholas Witchell.


A whole series of perks are to be removed, not least of which is the use of the bat-signal and the phone number of the A-team.  Under the agreement, Harry & Meghan can no longer assume lizard form or take part in the secret human sacrifices, down in the catacombs below Windsor Castle.


Frustratingly they must be referred to as ‘Haz & Meg’ and live in a one-bedroom caravan in Sunnyvale Trailer Park, Nova Scotia.  They will lose all the trappings of royalty, including the right to lay traps for peasants.

A spokesman for the Queen explained: ‘There will be no royal duties, no tours, it will be as if they never existed – or being ‘Prince Edward’ as we call it.’


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