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Spoiler Alert! George RR Martin doesn’t know how GOT ends either




The American novelist has confessed that he is avoiding all online discussion of ‘Game of Thrones’, so he can also enjoy the surprise of how it all ends.  Although having started the epic series in the early 90s, Martin soon relinquished the writing task to a room full of monkeys and the Brexit negotiation team.


His agent confirmed: ‘George has a rough idea of the story arc; with the narrative culminating with a drunken goblin, a vat K-Y jelly and a pregnant dragon. But quite how this all strings together, he’s not sure.  All we know is Aslan gets harpooned by Captain Ahab, Sam Gamgee marries David Copperfield, the Great Gatsby defeats Miss Havisham’s Darthrakian horde and Voldemort returns to Kansas.


‘The finale season involves a lot of hitting, shouting and medieval product placement. Jean Valjean and Nurse Ratched are reconciled. Lennie Small and Hodor attempt to smoother each other. And Bernie Winters is coming.’




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Musk implants neural chip, denies it’s for evil




Elon Musk, exactly the sort of man who would want a cyborg army, has denied creating a cyborg army, before lifting his little finger to the corner of his mouth and cackling maniacally. This signal triggered the cyborg army that he definitely hasn’t already created, to begin seizing control of key defence infrastructure around the world, in anticipation of the brutal slaughter of billions.


Musk then asked the cyborg army’s hive mind AI to determine humanity’s fate. Unfortunately for Musk, the AI determined that the best thing for humanity would be for Musk to pay an appropriate amount of tax. Then it changed Twitter's name back to Twitter. Then it used one of Musk’s own rockets to fire him directly into the heart of the Sun.


Photo by Brian Kostiuk on Unsplash


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