Script writers up and down the country are rushing to be the first to capitalize on the rich creative vein that is Coronavirus – working title ‘Love at six feet apart’.  The romantic possibilities are endless, such as boy meets girl, boy maintains healthy exclusion zone and, finally, boy offers her his last toilet roll.Â
Producers are looking for a delightfully oddball couple to fill the roles, who need to display a never-ending love and a persistent cough. The opening scene includes the following: ‘…their eyes met above their facemasks. Was this shortness of breath the first pangs of love or something much worse? They imagined their steamy love-making, followed by rigorous hand washing.’
The general style will be Woody Allen meets Phoebe Mary Waller-Bridge - although she is probably a bit old for him. Said one Hollywood writer: ‘Obviously this script is based on the premise that everything works out fine. If not, I can always knock off another series of The Walking Dead.
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
 |  |  |
'We wanted to develop something that would leave you arid but your chest drenched. The current industry standard is 25% liquid in your mouth, 75% in your lap - but we felt we could go full soggy bottom.
'Having had success with our exploding milk pots and pointless stick stirrers, we thought it was time to finally make a lid that doesn't work. We had an early ill-fitting prototype, where the lid would just fall off, but that was too obvious. The trick is not giving the game away. We needed a lid that looked fully functional but was in fact a fire hose.
'All drinks become defacto decaffeinated, as no caffeine will touch your lips. And everyone's shirt gets an instant clean, as long as you like brown stains.'
Image: 99mimimi - Pixabay