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UK needs affordable $hit water



The spiralling cost of pumping sewage into our drinking water, has meant our water companies need more investment in order to do their jobs that badly. So bills must increase, to match the demand for stomach bugs and dysentery. Said one home owner: 'My family can't get enough of $hitting through the eye of a needle.'


The Private Companies explained: 'Deliberately mixing clean water and effluence is a painstakingly expensive process, as we have to employ thousands of village idiots to do it. We have the added cost of connecting everyone's u-bend to their taps. Plus, factor in paying millions in PR to convince the public that water should have lumps in it.'


The fear for share holders is that rather than pay, the public will drink from stagnant puddles - or as they call it 'nationalisation'. 'They complain that a 90% bill hike is too much to pay for fresh water, which is fine, because it's not.'




President Whitmore's speech from 'Independence Day'



Good afternoon.


In less than an hour politicians from here will join others from around the country and you will be launching the largest electoral battle in the history of the United Kingdom.


"United". That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that the chosen date is the 4th of July and you will once again be fighting for our freedom - not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution but from Conservatism.


We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist, and should we win, that day the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday but as the day when the UK declared in one voice,


“We will not go to the back of the NHS queue. We will not let the water companies pollute our rivers. We’re going to live. We’re going to care. Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”




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