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Slowly lowered banner of Liz Truss causes lettuce to flounce off stage


A lettuce attempting to promote its vacuous new book 10 Days 'Til The Rocket Goes Off was rudely mocked when a banner of Liz Truss slowly unfurled behind it.



'I should have the freedom to be in any manky salad I like,' sulked the lettuce, before exiting stage left, pursued by a giant rabbit.



But having more nous than a former short-tolerated leader of the UK, the lettuce returned, recognising that self-promotion is what it's all about. 'I suppose you've done me a great favour. Otherwise, this event wouldn't have been even a blip on anyone's radar. Thank you.'



Showing a modicum of character and displaying considerably more backbone than the amateur economy crasher, the lettuce continued, 'If you can't laugh at yourself, then you really shouldn't be in this game, right?



'Now, as I was saying, let me tell you about the time I outlasted - and indeed outperformed - a Prime Minister...'


New BBC Sports Presenter is deaf, rather than tone deaf


The addition of Rose Ayling-Ellis to the BBC’s Paralympic coverage has made some noise. Ayling-Ellis is deaf, whilst sports presenters are generally required to be tone deaf.



Marianne Morrison applauded the decision noting that ‘If anything she has an advantage because she doesn’t have to listen to Matt Baker’s monotone monologues or hear Claire Balding openly braying with disgust when she is compelled to talk to an athlete who didn’t attend public school.’



Gary Grimthwaite was less keen ‘I think that presenting sports coverage should only be done by men – like flying a plane or commenting on YouTube or having your own bank account or speaking without being spoken to or voting.’



‘I’ve heard that she’s only in it for the parking space. BSL isn’t English, so it must be foreign. Wait, what does the B stand for?’


Every major balls-up after 2025 to be blamed with 'AI's fault, mate'


Plumber installed your toilet the wrong way round? - AI's fault, mate.



Brexit still screwing you over? - Nothing to do with us. All on AI. The whole thing.



Dinner overcooked? - AI stuffed it up.



Racist rioting? - All down to AI.



House prices so out of reach you'll never own your own place? - AI caused that.



Failure of human society to recognise the inherent dangers of rampant capitalism and the great resources grab during the industrial revolution of the mid 1800s? - AI.


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