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Prostate examination stigma reduced by use of Flash mob.




The NHS in a bid to encourage patients to get routine check-ups, will be employing a host of entertainers, such as clowns to test your blood pressure and balloon models to represent your impacted bowel. Face-painting can be used to spot the early signs of skin cancer, jugglers will provide animated breast examinations, and if you want gravitas, ‘national treasure’ Dame Judi Dench will read out your chlamydia result.


One Nurse explained: ‘You could be in a crowded railway station, when suddenly a flash mob of trained health professionals will launch into action. Through a combination of elaborate dance and brute force, we will pin you to the ground and administer a rigorous prostate examination and remove your appendix – just in case.’


Confessed one patient: ‘I love the idea of a flash mob. I was in Weatherspoon, when suddenly all the customers started spontaneously singing and then they roughly forced me to me to check my testes for lumps. It was only afterwards I discovered they weren’t doctors and that this was just an average Friday night at ‘Spoons.’





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Users go wild for new We Want Your Information App


The app released on Google Play yesterday promises to steal every piece of information harvested on your android phone, including a full history of suicide and porn searches. We Want Your Information was developed in China late last year in response to a rival app called We know who you are and what you think. But users complained that this app was cumbersome, requiring more than one key stroke and taking longer than six seconds to steal all of your closest secrets.


We Know Who You Are And What You Think also failed to alert users when a fresh piece of information was stolen. 'It was glitchy,' said one. 'But We Want Your Information is slick. I really feel denuded and naked after downloading it, like the company has a portal to my bank account and greatest fears.' The app, released with the full collusive blessing of governments around the world, not only steals information. It also has a lurk function which users can switch on to be heard in toilets and family arguments.


With rumours of an update arriving soon, users are expressing the hope that We Want Your Information will have a camera option, allowing it to film and upload instantly to any social media site it desires footage of users' most shameful public and home interactions. 'I love that We Want Your Information doesn't ask for permissions. It just accesses whatever the hell it wants.'


But there are opponents of the new app, a minority of naysayers who think that there is an issue surrounding the ethics of choice. They are questioning why We Want Your Information is an optional download at all. 'In 2025 so-called 'individuality' is a relic of the last century, which, as we all know, was a terrible one. We Want Your Information should be mandatory and social points accumulated or docked according to user compliance.' An Apple version with slicker theft aesthetics is expected to follow.


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

Tales of Olde Yarwick (& More)


The first ten stories are set in a fictional, utopian version of York aka Yarwick while the other five are set in York as it was in my younger days. The stories are written to entertain but also to ask you to think about ways this wonderful city could be made even better.

 

Do you live in a city you love but would like to improve? Or in a dump which is in desperate need of change? What would you do if suddenly you had the power to enhance your environment? The first ten stories in this collection should give your imagination a boost to answer these questions. Set in the author's home city on York, transformed into Yarwick, the tales have ideas for how to set your town on the road to perfection.


Bill Banks is a rough diamond who has his own ideas of how the city should be and is ready to fight anyone or anything that gets in his way.


The collection is completed with five earlier stories set in York, which attempt to give the reader a feel for the atmosphere of this unique city.




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