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Trump plans Mexican border canal


'So, we get the Mexicans to build a huge moat along the border: part of it is already riverly and it is much easier to dig a bigly-long hole than build a long wall that isn't Chinese, oh yes. Not interested in your tiny canal, Panama, oh no.


'The great US Navy can then patrol up and down our border canal - the Freedom Canal - and we can fill it with blood-thirsty piranha and fricking sharks with lasers. One stone, many, many birds. Now, about Canada ...'


After several relatively sane pronouncements, experienced Trump watchers believe that this policy marks the president-elect's return to his bat-crap crazy 'normality'.


Picture credit: Wix AI



Choosing your hospital – a patient’s guide


If you’ve made it past your GP (well done) and a battery of tests, and you’ve got medical support for an operation, then Good News!  You can now choose where to have your NHS operation, and you are guaranteed a choice of at least five hospitals.


Here’s how it works:


You can go to your nearest NHS hospital.   For reasons to do with economies of scale and budgetary constraints, it’s 10–15 miles away.  Various transport options are available, but it would be brilliant if you could drive.   Convenient for you, and twenty to fifty quid in parking charges for the hospital.  Its clinical ratings are average, if you ignore the maternity scandal.


You can go to your next nearest NHS hospital, which is 15-30 miles away.  The only transport option is to drive.   Why would there be public transport to a hospital 30 miles away?   The clinical ratings are average, if you ignore the organ harvesting scandal.


Your third, fourth and fifth choices are all a long way away.  You will need to book a hotel.  The clinical ratings are average if you ignore (a) the doctor that was on Panorama and got struck off, (b) the damage done by collapsing ceilings because of RAAC cement and (c) any problems caused by understaffing and underqualified North Korean doctors.


And we’ve spent a lot of money on a new NHS App, so that you can make your choice quickly and easily using your mobile phone.  If you can use one in your condition.  See you soon!



PS: Have you thought about going private?   Hungary and Turkey are both good, and very affordable for self-funders.



Picture credit: Wix AI




No hypocrisy in helping fellow rich arsehole, spokesperson for Farage says



A spokesperson for anti-immigration, pro-sovereignty politician Nigel Farage has said that his recent whirlwind visit to support Serbian tennis star Novak Djokovic in his battle with Australian immigration was not hypocritical, but consistent with Farage's fundamental belief in the right of very rich people to do whatever they liked, regardless of the law or public health.


When an entitled arsehole is in trouble, Mr Farage will fly to the rescue" said a spokesperson. "First class of course".


Mr Farage has released a video of him meeting Mr Djokovic and his brother. Novak smiles, while his brother is thought to be heard saying in Serbian "So this guy's an immigration lawyer is he? He's got government connections? How da f@ck is he going to help us then?"


Following a sarcastic comment from Andy Murray about the politician being better known for "trying to get Eastern Europeans deported", Farage is thought to have been heard saying he will support Novak if he plays "that Scottish tennis player". Farage was expected to enter the Australian Open himself - the veteran's competition of course - but had to withdraw after recently straining his back jumping on a bandwagon.



First published 11 Jan 2022



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