As Trump is an angry, lazy, vain, greedy, adulterous, gluttonous fraudster, a new “interpretation” of the original (and best) sins was needed. By using an alternative theory on the separation of church and state as written in the US constitution, the current US Government has issued the all-new deadly sins list. So in at number seven, here we go!
Empathy – This is definitely a weakness and shows basic lack of alpha-ness and should never be attempted.
Critical Thinking – Believe something, find opinions online that support it. These are your facts. Do not falter or back down. To do otherwise is now a sin. This is your life now.
Awareness – Something is only bad if it is bad to you directly. You have a nice safe bubble that is always right, all other bubbles are wrong and dangerous. Only listen to voices in your echo chamber.
Diversity – If something is different from you and your views, it is wrong and scary. God said so.
Equity – You don’t need to know what this means, it is just the middle letter in an abbreviation you have been told to hate.
Inclusion – In the bible, those two Corinthians must have said this at some point, “Screw you, I got mine” and I think we can all agree that is a valuable lesson to live by.
Integrity – The white Jesus said, do what I say, not what I do. I can do what I want, and you must do what I want you to do. Hypocrisy is your shield and ignorance is your sword.
Uncle Quentin was seen in Smuggler’s Cove, without a mask,’ exclaimed Julian.
‘What a frightful bore,’ said George. ‘Doesn’t he know that Timmy has an undying medical condition? He keeps eating poisoned food’.
They said it couldn’t be done. A new NewsBiscuit annual. Or maybe it was ‘shouldn’t’. That’s right, it shouldn’t be done. In fact, there was a petition. Maybe a march or two? Now that I think about it, there was a Court Order. People chaining themselves to railings. The threat of a military coup.
But we said to hell with them. We were going to publish. Regardless of the suffering and derisory sales. If we could get Brexit done, how hard would it be to write a NewsBiscuit book?
BTW how’s the Brexit thing going?
From the same team that brought you 'Fifteen Years of Typos' comes an extensive anthology of twelve months of fake news from the UKs original fake news site, Newsbiscuit. Over 800 carefully curated comedy fake news articles and more than 700 one-line news gags all together in one volume written by some of the funniest and most creative comedy writers known to work for free.
Articles drawn from September 2020 until August 2021, approximately mirroring events in the real world, include:
Bloke in pub to join Cabinet
NATO to tut and shake their heads at Russia
Second wave of press conferences to hit the UK
National Fiasco Memorial built in the wrong place
Coronavirus will be with us for between two years and forever, say scientists
Biden selects Kamala Harris to be his running-mate and carer
Government finally admits it has 'no idea' why we have daylight saving time
and hundreds more
Five Go Dobbing in the Neighbours makes a great gift for friends and to yourself