It may have taken 2000 years to reach the conclusion, but the Catholic Church is now ‘definitely…almost certainly’ against abuse or at the very least is unhappy when it gets reported. Speaking to reporters Pope Francis said he was not in favour of assaulting and imprisoning people – most of the time.
Confessing that Pope Benedict shut down an entire congregation of nuns, who were being abused by priests, a spokesman confirmed: ‘There is nothing in the scriptures that support the enslavement of nuns. Although, admittedly, there’s nothing in there that says we can’t. Bit of a grey area really. Have you read Deuteronomy? A nod and wink are good enough for God.’
Complained one priest: ‘We had an INSET day on work-based harassment, but I’m not sure if we came out in favour or not? I honestly thought nuns were a perk of the job. We can still burn witches, right?’ It is concerning that moral leaders still seem to be coveting the wrong type of ass. Remarked one unnamed nun: ‘When I married Christ, I didn’t know he planned to share me with his ‘friends’.’
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