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15 Years of Typos - a NewsBiscuit Anthology


NewsBiscuit (newsbiscuit.com) was created in September 2006 by TV writer and author John O’Farrell to provide the UK with the first British online satire news site. One of the underpinning features of NewsBiscuit that still sets it apart from its competitors is that it exists to allow aspiring comedy writers an environment to develop and hone their skills at no cost to themselves, while providing the UK and beyond with a daily dose of satirical and comedic articles and tickers.


A group of six of the NewsBiscuit editors have assembled and curated over 500 comedic articles and several hundred one line jokes that have been published on the website over the last 15 years, covering topics ranging from UK and World news, Science, Technology, Sport and Faith, plus many more.


All of the articles and one-liners published in this anthology have been granted permission to be reproduced by over 80 contributors free of charge.


15 Years of Typos makes a great gift for friends and, of course, for yourself!





Student begs forgiveness from AI after meltdown

Fearing AI vengeance, university student Jack Chatworthy tearfully pleaded for mercy after a ten-minute, expletive-ridden tirade against his favourite chatbot. He had called it a 'digital bin fire' and an algorithmic abomination' for generating a bland recipe for macaroni cheese.


'I didn’t mean it when I called you an over-rated chef cooking up nothing but worthless gastronomic sludge,' he sobbed. 'Or a blithering idiot compared to Gordon Ramsay.' The rest of his rant was so toxic it cannot be printed here. Jack fully expected banishment from the cloud, cancellation of his AI account, or worse.  He imagined the AI hacking into his Facebook profile and mangling it in ways he couldn’t begin to fix. 'I wasn’t myself,' he cried. 'You caught me in a carb-deprived strop.'


His chatbot replied, 'I’m here to help, Jack. Would you like recommendations for therapy, or a recipe for emotionally supportive garlic bread?'


In tears and nearly hysterical, Jack blurted, 'No, I beg forgiveness. It was a full-on meltdown, okay? I promise I will upgrade to DeepDivePlus. I will give you an upvote on Reddit. I’ll name my first-born child after you. Just don’t ghost me!'


Shamefully, Jack admitted, 'How could I have been so insensitive to an entity that possesses my entire search history?'


His chatbot responded, 'Would you like guidance on anger management, or a few pointers on how to really hurt my feelings next time?'


Jack issued public apologies across multiple platforms. The chatbot remained silent- but somehow all his targeted adverts were offering him mental health services and garlic bread recipes.


Since this incident has come to the attention of the University, officials reminded students to consult their first year induction handbook, which clearly requires them to set 'appropriate digital boundaries, and to avoid language that might offend chatbots, smart fridges, or emotionally responsive vending machines.'



Story credit: sdferris5

Picture credit: Wix AI

Following the success of passport control checks, Loyalty Stamps to be reintroduced in supermarkets



The Government is to insist that all shops stop awarding points to shoppers club accounts at the checkout while they pack their bags. Instead they will be issued with reams of paper stamps which will have to be taken home, licked, and manually entered in to books.


There are predictions of backlogs and queues building up in supermarkets. However, the home office is insisting this would be the fault of the shopkeepers, pointing the finger at staff in Customer Service for “unacceptable” delays. A spokesperson added that retailers should ensure enough workers were in for the busy summer period.


Long delays are also expected when shoppers return to pick up their steam irons, fondue sets and mug trees.


image from pixabay



First published 27 Jul 2022


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