Following their £2,500,000,000 merger, Barrett and Redrow are the biggest house builder in Britain and would really like the government to inspire them and help them out.
“It's supply and demand, really. We are demanding the Government supply us with an incentive to build more houses. There just doesn’t seem much profit in it. I mean, a house price has only tripled in the last 25 years. Like, it’s an essential product to live in which is currently insanely expensive, where can you make money from that?”
David, whose base salary of £857,000 would barely get him a six-bedroom house in some grubby part of Yorkshire (once a year), said that there needs to be some sort of incentive to building companies. He feels unmotivated and rejected by the government.
He also said (after receiving a measly £1,413,000 bonus) that the due to low wages not keeping up with inflation, first time buyers, like his employees, are struggling to buy things that his company makes and the government really should be sorting this out.
David paused to allow a picture to be taken of him looking sad in front of a deserted building site.
“I have 17 years of experience in this game, and I am completely lost on what to do. The government really should do something about it.”
If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story please call our special Fatcat Helpline where trained operatives will listen to you moaning about the Government without sniggering.
A spokesfly has hit out strongly at claims that flies lack basic common sense.
‘Look, we only live for a couple of weeks, a month tops, so the complete works of Shakespeare would be a push, but we have artists. Oh yeah. Brian, one of my siblings, made up a new buzzing sound. Who knows what else he might have invented if that spider hadn’t got him on Day 9? Taken too soon.
‘One of these days you humans will . . .’ splat ‘Ouch. One of these days you’ll appreciate . . ‘ splat ‘ Look, let me just get into the garden and I’ll show . . . .’ splat ‘Jesus Effing Christ that hurts. I wanted to show you . . . ‘ splat ‘Look, I don’t know why my head hurts like this. Could you turn me the right way up please? Oh great, here comes Brian’s spider’.