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Both teams are hoping to finish top in the Homeland Security competition. The Customs and Border Protection are the underdogs and the lesser known of the two. They just equalised in dramatic fashion with a scrappy group effort that was completely undeserved. It looked fairly chaotic and many shots were made, mostly on target at close range. There was initially a misunderstanding over social media if ICE had got another one, but it was clarified that this time it was the Border Protection lot.


The Immigration and Customs Enforcement had been dominating and had got one earlier through what appeared to be an unnecessary error. Video reviews clearly show it should not have been allowed, but officials stood by their decision. ICE took advantage of the general confusion and slotted it away and were unrepentant over the controversy.


CBP have just substituted their main man, who was talking a big game but seemed to be out of his depth. The CBP maybe finding it difficult not being at home and have been finding the conditions difficult.


ICE has recently hired some new talent, passionate and aggressive, but generally unskilled and not acting very professional at all. Their poor training shows and this may lead to concern from all but the most passionate of their supporters.


Injuries have plagued this confrontation, and ICE will continue with their aggressive attacking style, which will no doubt end up with more people getting hurt. We can expect more incidents, and it does look like the CBP will respond in the same way.


Overall, it is a poor effort by both teams so far with nothing for the neutral observer to be proud of.


It would be interesting to see how either of these would handle Europe, going up against a professional lot like The Hague.


Image: Copilot





Nigel Farage is understood to have bought the entire stock of a London disguise shop for his new MPs. He couldn’t do it online as he doesn’t know how to use computers. That’s what he told the Standards Committee, anyway.


‘He’s bought a blonde wig for Suella’, a spokesman told us. ‘Bold choice. The voters will never remember she used to be a Tory. Robert Jenrick will dress up as the Childcatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. It’s a despised role, but still better than being Robert Jenrick. Plus the Childcatcher only imprisoned children, he didn’t paint over their cartoons.


‘Jonathan Gullis will be dressed in a monocle and mortar board to boost his perceived IQ into double figures. If we can tempt him off the tyre swing we should be okay. Nigel hasn’t bought a disguise for Nadine Dorries but he’s keeping her off the booze for a week – she’ll be unrecognisable’.


Danny Kruger will be dressed as Freddy Kreuger from Nightmare on Elm Street. The malevolent spirit who invades dreams and gives children nightmares is understood to be thrilled to be joining Reform.


The plan is to present Reform as some kind of underground movement of rebels – like the A Team but probably without Mr T – rather than a selection of reanimated corpses dug up from unconsecrated ground, also known as Tories.


Nigel Farage is playing his part by permanently holding a fake pint of beer so the voters forget he’s a public school-educated millionaire. It’s a deliberately pisspoor disguise, only capable of fooling registered morons. Luckily for Nigel, they each have a vote.





"I've made a billion dollars off the backs of everyone around me, I've conquered Greenbackland for America, and I am the proud holder of someone else's Nobel Prize," gloated Trump.


"But I'm not a great war leader yet, and I deserve to be," he said, watching his minions beat ploughshares into swords and fuel up 500 Minuteman nuclear missiles.


"That why I'm going to start World War Three right away, alongside everyone else in my great new Bored of Peace group.


"I've got some truly bloodthirsty guys signed up already, who all think the past 80 years of peace have been crashingly dull. They're my fellow tyrants in Russia, Saudi Arabia and Belarus.


"For some reason, all the snowflake liberal democracies of Europe don't want to join. But Putin, Lukashenko, MBS and I can't wait to send millions of kids to their deaths from our reviewing stands and then award ourselves a whole load of bogus medals. The only question is who we're going to pick on.


"I wish I could be going with you," lied Trump, addressing terrified conscripts over the radio from the safety of a nuclear bunker.


"But I can't, because I've got these pesky bone spurs in my chicken feet and my tummy's feeling very yellow."



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