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Trump shooting suspect released without charge after attempting 'regime change'


Security forces had no choice but to release the armed man who attempted to assassinate US President Donald Trump after he claimed he was only trying to bring about ‘regime change’ at the head of US politics. The gunman pointed out that either killing or kidnapping elected leaders of foreign countries was exactly how the USA chose to bring about regime change at the top and was only following Donald Trump’s lead.


After a brief discussion behind closed doors White House officials concluded the gunman had quite rightly chosen the American way of removing elected heads of state and that he had nothing to answer for. The gunman was released late last night without charge after receiving an apology from Security Forces for their heavy handling of the situation.


‘We apologised to the gunmen and assured him that he or any future gunmen who tried to assassinate the President in an attempt to bring about regime change would not be apprehended or challenged. It is how we do things here in the USA…..he was only trying to uphold the law as we see it.


He is a fine upstanding citizen and a leading example to all Americans who care about their country. He was only trying to make America great again. Although in future he might want to think about using high explosives rather than a hand-held weapon....that way you get to take out more people and it looks a whole lot better on Fox News.


Think of the hits on Truth Social




Renters' Rights: Landlords now legally entitled to souls


LONDON — Following the introduction of the new Renters’ Rights Act, which comes into full force on 1 May 2026, the government has moved to reassure private property owners that they will still be able to subject tenants to unspeakable horrors, marking a triumphant return to traditional Victorian landlord-tenant dynamics.


While the legislation technically bans "no-fault evictions" and converts all tenancies to rolling periodic contracts, landlords have been granted sweeping new powers to ensure the absolute, indentured servitude of anyone renting a damp studio flat in Zone 4 for £1,800 a month.


"It’s about striking a fair balance," explained a housing minister. "Tenants get the security of knowing they can’t be kicked out without reason, and in exchange, they must legally pledge their immortal soul, which will be stored in a glowing glass phylactery on the landlord’s mahogany mantelpiece until the tenancy ends or until the landlord fancies a new kitchen extension.


"To offset the tragic end of lucrative secret bidding wars, the Act introduces a standardised system for deposits. Renters are no longer required to find five weeks’ rent in cash. Instead, they must simply surrender their soul at the start of the tenancy. Deductions will be made for fair wear and tear, Blu-Tack marks, or any detectable whiff of hope.


Clearer rules around pets have also been established. Renters are now fully permitted to keep a dog, cat, or canary, provided the animal is capable of operating the landlord’s authentic Victorian steam-powered textile loom for a minimum 14-hour shift, six days a week, and doesn’t shed on the heirloom Axminster. Furthermore, any disputes over black mould will now be resolved through compulsory chimney sweeping using only the tenant’s bare hands, a stiff top hat, and a cheerful whistle of “Who Will Buy?” from Oliver!


A spokesman for the UK Tenants Association said: "The situation is dire. Our previous spokesman, Beelzebub, resigned in pure disgust this morning, muttering that even the Prince of Darkness couldn’t compete with the sheer, unadulterated evil of these new tenancy agreements. He’s gone back to Hell for a lie-down."


Despite these generous concessions, many landlords remain furious at the remaining red tape. "This is typical anti-landlord bureaucracy," complained one property magnate from his second home in the Cotswolds. "If I can’t arbitrarily cast a family of four into the freezing winter snow on Christmas Eve just because my gout is playing up and I fancy selling to a developer, then frankly, what is even the point of being a buy-to-let investor in 2026?"


He added: "Next they’ll be telling me I have to fix the boiler before the pipes burst. It’s political correctness gone mad."




World 'couldn't give a stuff' about Trump anymore


'I know I should care, he's got the nuclear codes, he's a fruitcake, he's destroying world alliances and it's pretty obvious he's manipulating financial markets for himself and his family,' said the leader of a major European country, 'but honestly, I couldn't give a flying f@ck anymore,' he added.


World leaders have come to realise that kow-towing to the Trump administration doesn't insulate their countries from his erratic herky-jerky mood swings.  Bucking him does result in enormous sanctions on products US citizens want or need to buy, making it harder for them.  For the countries impacted as an exporter it is becoming increasingly obvious that there is a queue of relatively stable countries waiting to take the US share, more if you include the relatively unstable but financially flush countries.  'So, no great shakes there,' said another world leader.


Assassination attempts have been discounted as they would probably trip over fake assassination attempts and someone could get hurt. The wrong person, presumably.  Not the person with the nuclear codes.   


'We can't kill him, but we can ignore him,' said a World leader.  'But I suppose we could release these Epstein files that I found on my desk this morning,' he suggested.




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