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Film review: It's A Blunderful Life


Donald Trump enthrals as a swaggering but gormless world leader who throws his weight around across the globe, making everything worse.


After imposing ruinous tariffs - which he is then forced to cancel - and after splurging $50bn on a war with Iran which leaves it stronger than before, our deluded hero momentarily realises what an oaf he is and considers resigning.


"Yes!" cry the movie's director, producer, camera operator, sound recordist, lighting engineer and focus puller at this point. "Just sod off and stop plaguing us with your stupid tweets!"


But then Trump's guardian angel (played by an in-form Peter Mandelson, dressed in a white dressing gown he borrowed from Jeffrey Epstein) persuades him to carry on and commit a seried of even more ridiculous blunders.


To this end, President Trump builds a vulgar ballroom on the rubble of the White House's east wing, an even more vulgar triumphal arch, and he withdraws troops from Europe - thereby undermining Nato and giving Vladimir Putin carte blanche to walk right into places like the Baltic Republics.



Category: Horror



Rating: Even grimmer than "Melania".



Hollywood buys up Starmer's "full due process" phrase for hitman movies


Seeing how Sir Keir Starmer and his fellow hitmen in Downing Street have killed off civil servants' careers while consistently saying they were following "full due process", Hollywood studios have bought the words to use in remakes of their most violent "pop-a-cap-in-his-ass" flicks.


"'Full due process' has become a death sentence for anyone in British politics who No. 10 decides to blame for the Mandelson fiasco," said a Hollywood spokes-mogul. "These words are chilling, even when a pettifogging lawyer like Starmer says them."


Here's a sneak preview of what the new films will be like:


PLP (Parliamentary Labour Party) Fiction


A gangster (Jules, played by Starmer) is on the verge of executing a terrified Sir Olly Robbins


"And I will execute great vengeance upon them with full due process; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them."



Apocalypse Now (in the local elections)


A dazed Caption Marlow (played by Morgan McSweeney) has been dragged into a lunch with US generals and CIA goons


GENERAL: Find Kurtz and terminate him.


CIA GOON: Terminate with full due process.



Starmerface 


A treacherous civil servant (Sir Olly Robbins) is on his knees in front of Starmer and pleading for his life


STARMER: Manny! Ice that son of a bitch, with full due process.



"We're also thinking of making a new film about Jack the Ripper," continued the spokes-focus puller. "I bet he also went about finishing off his victims with 'full due process'."




Biopic “Adolf” accused of glossing over subject’s dark side


Recently released biopic “Adolf”, which purports to tell the true story of a young Austrian artist, has been criticised for glossing over the darker aspects of its subject’s character.


“Watching this film, you’d think he was nothing more than a rather conservative painter, unfairly turned away by the Vienna Academy of Arts,” said one critic.


“It’s no surprise to learn the Hitler estate had creative control over the project. They’ve left out everything that might make his fans uncomfortable.”


The film tells the story of young Adolf’s life, from a childhood tormented by a bullying father to the cusp of global superstardom.


For their part, Riefenstahl Studios refused to comment on what they called “unsubstantiated allegations” of dictatorship, political repression and genocide, hinting that those making the allegations were only looking for a payout.


Asked why they made the surprising decision to end the film in 1933, they said “Well isn’t it obvious? This way there’s a potential for a sequel, perhaps even two!


”We’ve already seen him becoming more interested in, shall we say, public speaking. And you’ve got to be impressed by the way Jaafar Hitler, the real life nephew of Adolf, really channels him during those performances. I’ve seen the rushes of the Nuremberg rally scenes, and honestly, it’s hard to believe it’s not him.”




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