Dave Plank, once the tight head prop for West Yorkshire Boneheads, has presented a documentary looking at whether injuries sustained while playing rugby are the reason he’s thick.
”Ah remember we used ter train every weekday for ‘ours and ‘ours, constantly bashing us ‘eads together int mud and pourin’ rain, just so we could do t’same on Saturdeh. Which suggests we were quite thick alreadeh, ter be honest.”
This suggestion was echoed by his mother, Maureen Plank (née Arkwright).
”Yeah, ‘e were always a bit slow, that one. Ah don’t know whah - one of ‘is brothers is an architect, the other one lectures in physics at Durham Universi’eh. Spose that’s just ‘ow it ‘appens sometimes. Prob’ly ‘ad the umbilical cord wrapped round ‘is neck or summat.
”We tried buying ‘im books for ‘is birthday, but ‘e’d just eat them or use them as weapons, so we ‘ad ter stop for ‘is own good.
”Ah were so happy when ‘e discovered rugbeh. Until then ah didn’t know there were other kids like ‘im.”
However, on learning that the rugby authorities might be forced to pay substantial damages, Mrs Plank retracted her former statement and insisted her son used to spend all his spare time playing chess against multiple opponents simultaneously, or reading the poetry of Bashō in the original Japanese.
