Snapchat offline is nature healing itself

An unexpected outage with Amazon and Snapchat has been hailed as the happiest 24 hours since records began. In that time endangered species recovered, the ozone healed and The Beatles reformed.

Peace instantly broke in Gaza, and not that bull$hit Trump peace where everyone still gets shot, actual peace. Cancer was downgraded to a mild cough. And Quality Street went back to making the really large box of chocolates.

Children looked up from their phones and saw the sky for the first time. All was well with the world...until someone thought to download TikTok to fill the time.

Image credit: perchance.org

The grand old Duke of York

Oh, the grand old Duke of York,

He had ten thousand gaffs,

He stacked them up til they hit the news,

And he tried to shut them down

And when they were news, they were news,

And when they were gagged, they were gagged,

And when they are only halfway gagged,

They're a nightmare for the crown

Image credit: Titanic Belfast, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons. Text added.

Those stolen Louvre national treasures in full

'Mon Dieu!' wailed a curator from the Louvre. 'These jewels swiped from our museum were literally unique.

'Just think, these Philistines took Brigitte Bardot's cat flap. How can we ever replace a national treasure like that?

'And they stole Sir Stephen Fry - a British national treasure which was on loan to us from King Charles. They must have cut him up into pieces to get him through the Louvre window.

'Quel dommage! Such damage! They will probably end up being sold for scrap.'

Image credit: Benh LIEU SONG, Wikimedia Commons, licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0