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Next week, BBC's Panorama will be shooting fish in a barrel


"For its next project," said a BBC spokes-bot, clutching a Colt 45 and a fishing net, "Panorama is going to lift the lid off a barrel of herrings to see how many it can hit with high calibre bullets.


"This follows the tremendous success of our recent Panorama programme in which we lifted the lid off life in a central London police station and discovered, to absolutely no one's surprise, that some young coppers are really quite ignorant and brutal.


"Who knew?" said the Oxbridge-educated reporter for the programme, who was raised in a land of rainbows and unicorns.


"I honestly thought they spent their rest periods discussing the poetry of Elizabeth Barratt Browning rather than sitting around in the station's locker room smoking drugs that they'd confiscated from members of the public."


"Racist, sexist attitudes and savage violence have no place in the Metropolitan Police," said a spokes-angel for the force, "and we'll be launching an investigation immediately to root out officers guilty of such things.


"It won't take too long to find them," the spokes-cherub continued. "In fact, it'll be like shooting Filth in a barrel."



EA Games bought by Saudi Investment Group.....it'll be fine


Electronic Arts make some of the most popular video games, what are some of the expected new features now Mohammed bin Salman is definitely not involved.

  • The Sims – You can now dismember your Sims with a bonesaw!

  • Battlefield – Chose the new Saudi Special Forces character – Special weapon, yep, a bonesaw!

  • Star Wars Battlefront – You can now play as a hero Sith character with a unique Light-bonesaw weapon – just imagine that glowing red serrated edge dismembering rebel journalist scum!

  • Dead Space – This is now a simulated room in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul, no reason.

  • FIFA – You now get to dismember the losing team with a bonesaw! Don’t ask why, you know what happens if you questions…



Trump jails both US and European Ryder Cup teams

"I have issued an official legal order imprisoning everyone who played in last weekend's Ryder Cup for un-American activities," Trump told reporters while adding his signature to some words scrawled on the back of an envelope.


"The European team are guilty of being un-American by beating our great golfing heroes at what I've decreed is our national sport.


"Lots of people are saying nowadays that golf was invented by a fat, rich, lazy American who wanted to play a game in which he could ride round in a buggy all day. That sounds a lot like me, your favourite president.


"And I'm locking up the US players for being un-American and losing to a bunch of very nasty, yoghurt-eating European liberals.


"That's despite the thousands of robot spectators we packed onto the course to chant 'USA! USA' and boo Rory McIlroy whenever he was playing a shot.


"I sentence these traitors to hard labour," ranted Trump, suppressing the urge to make a Nazi salute. "I'll make them build the White House's new Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom and serve drinks in it to Prince Andrew and all the other guests.


"Besides, they ignored my presidential orders to win the Ryder Cup by cheating," said Trump.


"How do you expect to win if you don't cheat?"



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