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Nation's Cats keeping an eye on something funny going on in living room corner

A spokescat for the Nation's cats today reported that they think something funny is going on in the corner of the living room and they're going to keep an eye on it.


"We sensed a change in temperature, or movement, maybe even a very subtle sound", said Tiddles MacFluffy Trousers of Hayes, "it's probably nothing but we're going to stare at the corner of the room for 2 hours. Y'know, just in case." Mr MacFluffy Trousers pointed out that past investigations had uncovered a large spider in Bolton (which was promptly eaten), an escaped iguana in Penrith (which was paw batted repeatedly for looking weird), and a window ajar in Plymouth that caused a curtain to imperceptibly move. The unfortunate latter incident caused an involuntary case of the zoomies resulting in spilled tea and crying toddler.


It was also pointed out that a low guttural growl maybe emitted at anytime and this may or may not be the warning of a spiritual presence such as a poltergeist, possessing demon or Richard Branson.


image from pixabay


Royal reconciliation

Former Prince, Harry, has met King Charles at Clarence House.


Palace officials say that the meeting went well, and that Charles had shown Harry his collection of antique cricket bats.


Reports of noises from the meeting, such as 'Yaroo, Ow, and Owww' have been quietly dismissed as 'horseplay', 'joshing' and 'father-son bonding'.


After the meeting, the two repaired to the garden where Charles had organised a celebratory bonfire. This was a rather smoky affair and officials say that they can neither confirm or deny that a large number of copies of 'Spare' were being torched.


After the meeting Charles said that he fully supported Harry in launching his new broadcasting company called Net Flicks, and that he was looking forward to seeing him again in ten years time.


image from Google Gemini


Russell Brand appointed UK Ambassador to the US

In a bold move following the sacking of controversial politician Peter Mandelson, the UK has decided to court further controversy by appointing Russell Brand as UK Ambassador to the US.


A spokesman told us that all the appropriate checks had been made and that Brand had assured them that there were no skeletons in his closet. In fact, the appointment was seen by the UK Government as quite the coup as they see him having a number of the same interests as President Trump as well as similar public health concerns as US Health Secretary, Robert F Kennedy.


"I am beyond delighted that such a proud and engorged bestowment has materialised when old Russ though his number was up!" said Brand in a press conference this morning. He continued, "I am very much looking forward to getting down to it with Donny and the lads. I'm sure we'll have a right old tear up down in Marry Lago, or whatever it's called, and no mistaking." His gaze was then distracted by US Press Secretary, Katherine Leavitt, making the rest of the press conference a somewhat uncomfortable experience.


Mr Brand will be taking up the "posty-wost" with immediate effect.


image from google Gemini


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