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In a controversial move, the Wimbledon tennis tournament will use virtual nets on the main courts from next year.


Wimbledon will be the first grand slam competition to use virtual tennis nets, although line calls have been computerised for some time. Wimbledon is keen to be the first to use the new technology, which, surprisingly, was developed in the UK.   A spokesman said that it was the logical next step for tennis in the twenty-first century and would make the game fairer. In a nod to tradition, a physical net will still be used for the men’s singles final.


The system has been tested exhaustively. It can survive a racket attack by Novak Djokovic, a verbal onslaught from Andy Murray and the disappointment of another Emma Raducanu collapse. Although the on-court computer will decide which shots have hit the virtual net, the umpire will continue to have the final say.


The top of the net will be indicated by a red laser light shining between the net posts, indicating where the net cord would be. The rest of the net will be simulated by white laser lights. The lasers are low power devices, and won’t harm the players much if they fall into the net.


The players’ association is debating the removal of ‘net-cord jeopardy’. Some argue that shots that are deflected by the net-cord are part of the excitement of the game. Others say it’s unfair for key points to be decided by fluke shots. And another group says that jumping a laser net at the end of the game won’t be as much fun.


The tennis authorities are keen to confirm that the new technology will have no effect on the chances of an English player winning Wimbledon, which remain at virtually zero.


image from pixabay


Weight of Royal medals may have caused structural damage to Buckingham Palace balcony, say engineers


The weight of military medals, ceremonial paraphernalia and assorted pearl necklaces could have caused serious structural damage to the balcony at Buckingham Palace warn engineers.


Workers tasked with restoring the Palace say they have came across cracks and crumbling infrastructure that have left the balcony in a dangerous condition.


‘The type of damage we found on site is typically associated with excessive weight and impact trauma….the balcony was not built to carry the sort of excessive burden put on it by the current Royal family’ said engineer Jason Beasley ‘the load bearing lintels were designed to carry a modest sized family wearing bonnets and waving silk fans….not rocking a battalion of service medals and military hardware usually seen at a victory day parade in Moscow


Add to that the amount of gold jewellery and pearl necklaces worn by Camilla and it is no wonder the balcony is in danger of collapse’, "The Royals should either take it in turns venturing out on to the balcony to wave at the crowds or scale back on the amount of medals they wear."


‘It all started with the Prince Albert….but thankfully Andrew isn’t allowed on the balcony anymore’.


image from pixabay


Following today’s Trooping of the Colour ceremony, Buckingham Palace has issued a statement saying King Charles really isn’t that interested in watching soldiers marching about.


”I know mummy used to enjoy it, though God knows the ancient Greek always looked as bored as f*ck.


”Anyway, I’m King now and what I say goes. So please don’t expect me to sit through this bollocks again next year, all this stupid marching about for no reason. I mean, they don’t even look like real soldiers in those silly red uniforms and furry hats. No wonder we lost India. 


“And don’t get me started on the bloody Red Arrows. So you can fly close to each other belching out coloured smoke, whoopee doo-dah. Do you know how many bloody times I’ve seen that? Either learn a new trick or let me enjoy my birthday in my own way.


”And that’s another thing - it’s not even my birthday, it’s my official birthday, which is a load of bollocks, frankly. My actual birthday is on… well, I don’t recall, but one of my staff will know.”


Soon after the press release was sent out, the King’s Press Secretary returned from a short holiday, saying “Well, the ceremony looked splendid on TV as always. Anything much happen while I was away?”


image from pixabay


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