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Five lines on the rail strikes



The union leader Mick Lynch

He won't be giving an inch

The Tories made this mess

He'll strike until Christmas

So, getting a rise is a cinch


The unions plan Christmas strikes,

Told the bosses to get on their bikes.

Their pay isn’t funny,

They need some more money,

To cope with the inflation hikes.


The picket line lads were unshaven

They need a pay rise for inflation

But Tories say no

And pray for some snow

While dreaming about their tax haven


H/T Ragmans Trumpet





First published 5 Dec 2022


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Parents steeling themselves for school Christmas plays




Dazzlingly awful children's Christmas plays are being rehearsed just as parents rehearse their lies about how good the play was and how good their child was in it.


Teacher Jodie Johnstone said 'This year our theme is suffering. Specifically making parents aware of just how insufferable their little "angels" are.'


Parent Shelley Stevenson whispered conspiratorially 'God bless Bluetooth headphones, I'll be listening to a podcast whilst they shriek "Little Donkey" in 3 or 4 different keys. I'm also smuggling in booze. Did you think it was coffee in this travel mug?'


Stevenson violently nudged her snoring partner awake before adding 'This is the first time for years that we've had to sit through this drivel - bring back Covid, I say.'




First published 4 Dec 2022


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Bare chested Boris Johnson requests trial by combat at Covid enquiry

In a surprising legal manoeuvre, a bare chested, war-painted Boris Johnson has announced that he will request a trial by combat at his upcoming appearance at the ongoing Covid enquiry.


"Hear this", he bellowed, slapping his chest, "the past is the past, if you wish to pass judgement on me, you must best me in wrestling or a physical encounter of the enquiries choice. I can shoot, I can fence, I can grapple, I can shin kick with the best of them!"


Mr Johnson's tactics were clearly an aggressive tactic to put the board on the back foot. His posturing was accompanied by the unedifying sight of his naked upper torso daubed in Union flag colour war paints and a crudely placed pith helmet on his head.


"I will take on all-comers, only those who best me, can question my actions!" At this point, he ripped off his tearaway trousers revealing a thong with a picture of Nadine Dorries on the pouch. The crowd gasped and began to frenziedly back away from the terrifying sight.


The commission responded that Mr Johnson's request will be assessed but whatever happens he will be required to wear safety trousers at all times for fear of mass impregnation.


image from pixabay



First published 3 Dec 2023


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