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Turkey tells UN it will be now known as ‘Nut Roast’



Ankara released a message: ‘Too long has our name been negatively associated with failure. And if we’re going to be linked to a festive meal, why that ridiculous bird? Why couldn’t we be called Cranberry Sauce – too rude, I suppose. Annoyingly some of the best names are already taken. Belgium has got dibs on the sprouts, Ukraine is nothing but stuffing these days and the UK is just a nation of pigs in blankets’


image from pixabay


First published 6 June 2022



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Palace reassure public, "Queen booed PM from home"



Buckingham Palace had issued a statement saying that although the Queen had to miss the thanksgiving service for her reign, she was able to watch the service on television and joined in with the booing of Boris Johnson.


"The Queen is somewhat restricted in what official duties she can do", explained a spokesman, "But she's very clear that she can make time to kiss hands with his successor 'anytime'".



First published 5 June 2022



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Jubilee beacons "mistake" as 5000 Rohirrim arrive over horizon



Palace officials have admitted that lighting Jubilee beacons across the country has been misinterpreted by the horse people of Rohan as a cry for help and 5000 heavily armed Rohirrim - horse riding warriors - have arrived to drive away hordes of Orcs from the dark kingdom of Mordor. Instead, they ended up dispersing a crowd of pensioners from Bangor and clashing with law enforcement officers.


Acting Met chief, Paul Stephenson, played down the event. "It's simply a slightly high spirited reaction to the beacons. Anyone seen my head anywhere?"



First published 4 June 2022



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