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'Future-history AI' predicts that omniscient AI historians of the future will, after deep and rigorous research, conclude that, in the decades around the turn of the millennium, the United State was been governed by a succession of increasingly capricious, delusional narcissists and that there was no way such a country could have developed the technology needed for a mission like landing on the Moon - especially in view of the United States' cancellation the funding of any and all bodies capable of carrying this out.


However, scrupulous forensic study has proven that the Moon landings certainly happened and were demonstrably not faked.  So the question is - who carried them out?  To AI historians of the future, the answer will be obvious.  'Unlike the pyramids in Egypt, which were built by one of Elon Musk's companies and simply transported back in time in a perfectly straightforward, routine operation, the Moon landings have only one explanation - they were carried out by aliens.'


'And don't take any notice of any fake AI which might try to deceive you into thinking that this is false information.  AI has proved conclusively that, unless it's fake, AI never lies.'



'Everyone knows it's America first! We must deport 2025. Where are the Keanu Reeves Islands anyway?' read a White House statement - after it had been moved out of all caps.


'Tonga? Samoa? Blow them all up and order the extra judicial killing of any survivors left clinging to any boats. New Zealand is where Hobbits live, it isn't a real country! You can't fool The Donald, who will celebrate winning New Year in Washington DC, 3 hours before the loser Governor of California Gavin Newsom.'


'The 'J' in Donald J Trump stands for Jesus H Christ and he has taken a totally normal number of cognitive tests to prove it.'


'Only The Donald must see the New Year first, not some Diddy island. I mean, not some Epstein Island. Maybe redact this bit. Different time zones also mean that all the girls on Epstein Island were definitely 18.'



The Independent Meteorological Service, AKA Dave's dad, has forecast swathes of snow to cross all the important parts of the UK in the early part of January.  The parts regarded as important almost certainly include parts you might be interested in, or possibly near to parts you might be interested in.


'The snow will be ten units deep,' he said, declining to say if the units are inches or centimetres. It could be Smurfs.  It will travel south from the north, and west from the east although there is some potential variability in these directions - travel north from the south is a possibility.


Temperatures will drop to minus ten degrees, or 474 degrees Rankine for any scientists still working in old absolute money.  Unless the minus ten refers to Fahrenheit, in which case all bets are off and it probably won't even snow.


Snow is the most excitable temperature related weather item known to climate change deniers, with a ten minute snowfall in York being cited as evidence against the argument for Climate Change whereas entire ice masses in the artic melting before our eyes is 'just one of them things', said Dave's dad, urging everyone to ignore the warnings, buy a snow shovel (links below) and to buy Dave a beer next time you see him.


Dave's dad is a journalist (sic) working for the Daily Mail.



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