Trump tantrum as Kiribati celebrates New Year first
- stewartbarclay
- 4 minutes ago
- 1 min read
'Everyone knows it's America first! We must deport 2025. Where are the Keanu Reeves Islands anyway?' read a White House statement - after it had been moved out of all caps.
'Tonga? Samoa? Blow them all up and order the extra judicial killing of any survivors left clinging to any boats. New Zealand is where Hobbits live, it isn't a real country! You can't fool The Donald, who will celebrate winning New Year in Washington DC, 3 hours before the loser Governor of California Gavin Newsom.'
'The 'J' in Donald J Trump stands for Jesus H Christ and he has taken a totally normal number of cognitive tests to prove it.'
'Only The Donald must see the New Year first, not some Diddy island. I mean, not some Epstein Island. Maybe redact this bit. Different time zones also mean that all the girls on Epstein Island were definitely 18.'