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Liz Truss to fight Anthony Joshua



Jake Paul, the influencer and amateur boxer, did not do well in his boxing match with Anthony Joshua. But canny political operator Liz Truss has noticed how much publicity the match attracted, and is now keen to fight Anthony Joshua herself.


Although Liz Truss has no boxing experience at all, she still fancies her chances. 'It's an all British match,' she shrieked with unaccountable gusto, 'It'll be EPIC,' she yelled, lapsing into upper case, just like her hero, Donald Trump.


Liz will need to secure financial backing for the fight. Some Tory donors are apparently quite keen. 'It would be well worth the money,' said one through gritted teeth.


Liz expects to make over a million from the fight, and could make more than twenty million by betting on herself to win. And the fight will get her a huge amount of free publicity. GB News leads the race for the TV rights. 'I can't use the BBC,' she said, 'I need this to be broadcast in America, too.'


'When I win,' said Liz, with a steely glint in her eyes, 'I will immediately challenge Nigel Farage to a fight. Then we'll see who's the Daddy.'



Putin promises no more wars, if Europe respects Russia


Putin has promised there will be no more wars, if Europe respects Russia.


His spokesman went on to explain that respect, in this context, means not objecting when Russia takes entire countries that Russia thinks it rightfully owns because it conquered them once before. And not offering them military assistance and funding. Also respecting Russia's plans to make Europe dependent on Russian resources like oil and gas. And not developing weapons that could counter Russia's weapons, such as anti-missile systems and nuclear missiles. And not stationing them anywhere near Russia's borders. And not even having the ability to cut off Russia's maritime access through the Baltic or the Black Sea or the Arctic. And not suggesting that Russia's occupation of Georgian territory, or Chechnya, is in any way wrong or unjustified. And not even talking about human rights in Russia. And not harboring Russian opposition figures. And allowing Russia to fund lobbying and bribes in our political systems.


You know, the usual respecty things, like in Goodfellas.


And this time, Putin is definitely not lying, whatever you might have been told he has promised in the past.



Has-Been Habits Museum educates citizens


The Has-Been Habits Museum, a museum of habits no longer strictly observed, is planned to be built near London if funding is found. A possible location could be an old medieval castle.


The British are known for their politeness and respect for others. Although they can be reserved at times, they are nevertheless full of genuine kindness and understanding, with a touch of humour. This has always been the case, but has anything changed over time? Is there even a noticeable change in the direction of rudeness?


‘Yes, it is, it really is. No citizen with healthy eyesight and perception can fail to notice this,’ says etiquette and behaviour expert, Monsieur Mylan Dupond, of French origin. ’For this reason, I am seeking funding for a new educational institution whose mission is to remind people of good old-fashioned, responsible behaviour.’


Monsieur Dupond doesn't reveal all the details, but he does mention one of the most important ones publicly. It has to do with the declining queuing culture: 'The Queueing Simulator: An interactive exhibit where visitors practice standing in a perfectly straight, silent line for absolutely no reason at all.’


The plans also include The Gallery of Vanishing Social Graces, The Hall of Hats, a swear-free zone, and a comprehensive afternoon tea menu that politely takes into account all members of the party.

 

The museum doesn't just rely on examples from the past. The museum's souvenir shop sells ‘passive-aggressive messages’ to neighbours who leave their trash out for too long—a modern evolution of these ‘lost’ habits.


Critics of the project noted the omission of tutting. And raised eyebrows.



Hat tip to writingbsl



Image created with the help of Gemini AI


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